In the second instalment of his weekly column, Raven Smith remembers the music festival (RIP)
- TextRaven Smith
Okay, so I don’t want to be a traitor to my generation but I don’t like festivals. They’re a bit shit these days, right? Is it me or is every new festival organised by Monica from Friends: “Rules help control the fun!” Eesh.
Here’s a little ode to festivals past:
Remember the last time you did pingers three days on the trot? Seriously.
Or the last time you puked but didn’t go home?
Remember the night you liked trance?
And fire poise?
And got fingered by that white guy with dreads?
Remember saying “I don’t even feel that rough this morning” and drinking at breakfast.
Remember Berocca.
And wet wipes.
And thinking you’d use a camping stove (lol).
Remember trying to get papped rolling in your bikini in the mud at Glasto but a prettier girl got in the Daily Mail.
Remember saying you could legitimately be vegan in real life, actually.
And saying you could legitimately be one of those festival carnies full-time.
And thinking becoming a roadie was better ‘life experience’ than doing your A Levels.
Remember thinking a floral headband made you look ethereal and Pre-Raphaelite and connected with nature.
And the next year when the floral headband was sartorially dead but you wore one ironically.
And the next year sneering at all the floral headbands and untagging all the photos of you in yours.
Remember thinking tie-dye dungarees weren’t remotely problematic. (I’m still genuinely on the fence.)
Remember wearing the floral Christopher Kane dress and treading on a beehive and all the bees going for you?
Remember falling in love with the paramedic who wrapped you in a foil blanket?
Remember when the festival was ‘glass-free’ and you had to bin your Byredo but you went back for it off your tits and fell into the cow grate. (Wilderness 2014)
Remember when your mate saw Ronan Keating and picked. Him. Up. (Isle of Wight 2013)
Remember writing a whole column about hating festivals and then convincing yourself they’re fucking great.
Raven Smith is a London-based creative director and the former commissioning director of Nowness. He is anothermanmag.com’s columnist, writing about life and culture.
